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Mysteries of Lawndale 01 Esteem of the Investigator Conclusion
19 September 1997
Lawndale High’s Assemblies were held in the afternoon. Ms. Li was speaking. “And once again, the bake sale was a tremendous success. We raised more than $400, which was subsequently stolen from the office, but I am confident we will get that money back. In a related note, the school nurse will be visiting homerooms on Monday to collect DNA samples. Now, Mr. O'Neill has exciting news about our after-school self-esteem class.”
“Thank you. You know, self-esteem is a little like your car's brake fluid. You may not even know you're low on it until, one day, you go to shift gears and nothing happens.”
“That’s transmission fluid!” A student called out.
O’Neill tried to cover his mistake. “That's... what I said. Anyway, I'd like you to meet two students who have completed our self-esteem course faster than anyone ever before! Please join me in congratulations as I present these certificates of self-esteem to... Daria Morgendorffer and Jane Lane.”
“Oh, what the hell,” Jane said as she stepped up to the podium.
There was meager applause.
“I just want to say how proud I am today. Knowing that I have self-esteem gives me even more self-esteem.” She glanced at Daria. “On the other hand, having all of you know that I had low self-esteem makes me feel... kind of bad... like a big failure or something.”
The audience began to chuckle at Jane’s behaviour.
Jane turned up the histrionics. “I, uh, I want to go home.” She held her arm to her forehead, feigned a sob and ran off.
“Daria, wait!” Mr. O’Neill called out, and ran off after Jane.
Daria stepped up the podium. “No one can battle a terrible problem like low self-esteem on their own. It takes good coaching...”
And so the Assembly went on. Daria concluded by thanking her family, including Quinn and then sat down.
That night, the Morgendorffers went to the UFO convention, which had come to Lawndale for the weekend. The first thing Daria noticed, was that the convention hall was laid out exactly as it had been at the previous town where Sick Sad World had filmed. ‘That’s not my concern. I’ll be busy with Lawndale,’ she thought.
“So, Daria, what are we doing here?” Helen asked.
“We’re going to look at all the exhibits.” Daria hoped to find Artie and offer her investigative services.
Unfortunately, Artie was nowhere to be seen, but Daria did take pictures of various people (alongside the exhibits) so the evening wasn’t a total loss.
( 20 September 1997 )
19 September 1997
Lawndale High’s Assemblies were held in the afternoon. Ms. Li was speaking. “And once again, the bake sale was a tremendous success. We raised more than $400, which was subsequently stolen from the office, but I am confident we will get that money back. In a related note, the school nurse will be visiting homerooms on Monday to collect DNA samples. Now, Mr. O'Neill has exciting news about our after-school self-esteem class.”
“Thank you. You know, self-esteem is a little like your car's brake fluid. You may not even know you're low on it until, one day, you go to shift gears and nothing happens.”
“That’s transmission fluid!” A student called out.
O’Neill tried to cover his mistake. “That's... what I said. Anyway, I'd like you to meet two students who have completed our self-esteem course faster than anyone ever before! Please join me in congratulations as I present these certificates of self-esteem to... Daria Morgendorffer and Jane Lane.”
“Oh, what the hell,” Jane said as she stepped up to the podium.
There was meager applause.
“I just want to say how proud I am today. Knowing that I have self-esteem gives me even more self-esteem.” She glanced at Daria. “On the other hand, having all of you know that I had low self-esteem makes me feel... kind of bad... like a big failure or something.”
The audience began to chuckle at Jane’s behaviour.
Jane turned up the histrionics. “I, uh, I want to go home.” She held her arm to her forehead, feigned a sob and ran off.
“Daria, wait!” Mr. O’Neill called out, and ran off after Jane.
Daria stepped up the podium. “No one can battle a terrible problem like low self-esteem on their own. It takes good coaching...”
And so the Assembly went on. Daria concluded by thanking her family, including Quinn and then sat down.
That night, the Morgendorffers went to the UFO convention, which had come to Lawndale for the weekend. The first thing Daria noticed, was that the convention hall was laid out exactly as it had been at the previous town where Sick Sad World had filmed. ‘That’s not my concern. I’ll be busy with Lawndale,’ she thought.
“So, Daria, what are we doing here?” Helen asked.
“We’re going to look at all the exhibits.” Daria hoped to find Artie and offer her investigative services.
Unfortunately, Artie was nowhere to be seen, but Daria did take pictures of various people (alongside the exhibits) so the evening wasn’t a total loss.
( 20 September 1997 )
