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Instalment 6: The Lab Mouse - the Geek and the Convention
Monday, November 21, 2005
Lawndale High School
The sophomore Biology class was in session, with Lawndale High's head Science teacher, Janet Barch, teaching.
“And like a husband going home to his noble and self-sacrificing wife, the rat keeps returning to the food box. That is, the positive reinforcement.” She then turned to her misandry. “Huh, if only men could be more like rats. Oh, sure, they come home at first. You feed them, you wait on them, and then, after twenty-two thankless years, they just up and leave. No note, no phone call, no nothing!” She slammed the ruler on the desk. “Just... like... that!”
“I wonder why he left,” Daria Morgendorffer said to her friend, Jennifer Burns.
“Now, before I divide the class into teams of two, who can give me another example of reinforcement?” Ms. Barch paused. “Fine, class. Ignore me... just like he did! Kevin?”
“Uh?” Kevin Thompson drew out.
“Shut up, Kevin,” Ms. Barch said, her misandry at full intensity. She turned to Daria. “Daria? Reinforcement?”
“Hmm...” Daria began. “To make a child stop crying, a mother might say, ‘That's it! I'm sending you to El Paso to live with your real father.’ Whenever the child gets upset, the mother might wave an airline ticket in her face, or maybe even frame it on the wall by the clown picture. The ticket stops the girl from crying, or showing any emotion... ever.”
Jennifer looked at Daria. 'Is that right?'
“I like the way you think. Kevin... Daria will be your lab partner.”
'Uh, oh!' Jennifer thought.
“What!” Kevin's girlfriend, Brittany Taylor, shrieked.
“You two will design a maze, and condition Kevin,” Ms. Barch said, then she quickly recovered from her almost faux pas. “I mean, condition a mouse using positive or negative reinforcement.”
“But babe, we've never been separated on a lab project before! What'll we do?” Kevin wondered.
“Pass? “ Daria asked.
Jennifer chuckled in amusement.
“Brittany, Charles will be your partner.”
“But Ms. Barch, I'm a cheerleader!” Brittany squeaked in protest.
“Give me an 'R.'” Charles Ruttheimer III, aka Upchuck, said suggestively.
“I really like doing mazes. Those ones on the back of cereal boxes are cool,” Kevin said.
“Well, now I am excited,” Daria said.
“Shut up, Mack!” Ms. Barch said.
Michael 'Mack' Mackenzie raised his eyebrows in surprise.
“Ms. Burns will be your partner,” Ms. Barch said.
'Cool, I can deal with that.' he thought.
“Cool,” Jennifer said.
“So, now Kevin's my lab partner,” Daria said at lunch.
“Next best thing to working alone,” Jane said.
“Oh, no. He likes mazes,” Daria said.
“I'd swap if Ms. Barch would let us,” Jennifer said.
“Mack's not that bad,” Jane said.
“I'm not complaining. I've worked with him before, although that was years ago,” Jennifer said as she started to reminisce.
( 4 years earlier )
Monday, November 21, 2005
Lawndale High School
The sophomore Biology class was in session, with Lawndale High's head Science teacher, Janet Barch, teaching.
“And like a husband going home to his noble and self-sacrificing wife, the rat keeps returning to the food box. That is, the positive reinforcement.” She then turned to her misandry. “Huh, if only men could be more like rats. Oh, sure, they come home at first. You feed them, you wait on them, and then, after twenty-two thankless years, they just up and leave. No note, no phone call, no nothing!” She slammed the ruler on the desk. “Just... like... that!”
“I wonder why he left,” Daria Morgendorffer said to her friend, Jennifer Burns.
“Now, before I divide the class into teams of two, who can give me another example of reinforcement?” Ms. Barch paused. “Fine, class. Ignore me... just like he did! Kevin?”
“Uh?” Kevin Thompson drew out.
“Shut up, Kevin,” Ms. Barch said, her misandry at full intensity. She turned to Daria. “Daria? Reinforcement?”
“Hmm...” Daria began. “To make a child stop crying, a mother might say, ‘That's it! I'm sending you to El Paso to live with your real father.’ Whenever the child gets upset, the mother might wave an airline ticket in her face, or maybe even frame it on the wall by the clown picture. The ticket stops the girl from crying, or showing any emotion... ever.”
Jennifer looked at Daria. 'Is that right?'
“I like the way you think. Kevin... Daria will be your lab partner.”
'Uh, oh!' Jennifer thought.
“What!” Kevin's girlfriend, Brittany Taylor, shrieked.
“You two will design a maze, and condition Kevin,” Ms. Barch said, then she quickly recovered from her almost faux pas. “I mean, condition a mouse using positive or negative reinforcement.”
“But babe, we've never been separated on a lab project before! What'll we do?” Kevin wondered.
“Pass? “ Daria asked.
Jennifer chuckled in amusement.
“Brittany, Charles will be your partner.”
“But Ms. Barch, I'm a cheerleader!” Brittany squeaked in protest.
“Give me an 'R.'” Charles Ruttheimer III, aka Upchuck, said suggestively.
“I really like doing mazes. Those ones on the back of cereal boxes are cool,” Kevin said.
“Well, now I am excited,” Daria said.
“Shut up, Mack!” Ms. Barch said.
Michael 'Mack' Mackenzie raised his eyebrows in surprise.
“Ms. Burns will be your partner,” Ms. Barch said.
'Cool, I can deal with that.' he thought.
“Cool,” Jennifer said.
“So, now Kevin's my lab partner,” Daria said at lunch.
“Next best thing to working alone,” Jane said.
“Oh, no. He likes mazes,” Daria said.
“I'd swap if Ms. Barch would let us,” Jennifer said.
“Mack's not that bad,” Jane said.
“I'm not complaining. I've worked with him before, although that was years ago,” Jennifer said as she started to reminisce.
( 4 years earlier )
